I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
