playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
