I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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