k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
