it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
