So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
