; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
