I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
