I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
