our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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