Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can you repeat that, but with context?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
