Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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