oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
