Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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