Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh god it's open bar.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
