1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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