All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
last night I used snow as a chaser
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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