Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
