Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
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