Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
