Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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