Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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