Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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