If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
