If i come over, it means nothing
Umm I'm too high to move.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
