so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
