Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
