at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize