I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
