I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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