No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
