Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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