I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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