I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
