This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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