dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
