My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
