rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
