dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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