The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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