Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize