I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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