god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
