Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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