Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
