I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
