Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i out mim tonsoeep
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