all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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