my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
