I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
