I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
