you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
