He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
