i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
