don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
