You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
