Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize