I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
