my mouth tastes like poor choices
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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