Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize