i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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