She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I deserve this hangover.
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