So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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