I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
