Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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