Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
