I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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