Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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