I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
