My hand turned me down
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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