I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
