I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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