Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
