The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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